We can expect to face a growing number of setbacks, distractions, and challenges in our increasingly chaotic world. That's why we need resilience more than ever.
Resilience is one of six "mental muscles" that make up mental strength, or the ability to productively regulate your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It's essential for success but tricky to cultivate.
The good news is that, as I share in my new book "The Mentally Strong Leader," anyone can build habits for greater resilience and fortitude.
Part of my research on mental strength included developing a self-assessment that allows you gauge where you are when it comes to each of the six muscles, and understand what you can do to level up.
Here's a mini-assessment focused on fortitude: If you can answer "always" to these seven questions, you're already more resilient than most.
1. Do you see adversity as an opportunity rather than a threat?
If you view any setback as a threat — to your goals, identity, or reputation — you focus on everything that could go wrong. Your anxiety often feeds on itself, making it even harder to navigate your way out of a difficult circumstance.
But if you view the setback as a challenge that tests your skills in a good way and as an opportunity to explore, learn, grow, or achieve more than you thought possible, it's dramatically more productive.
For example, during COVID, I saw a microbrewery turn a major setback (having to temporarily close) into an opportunity to have their employees spend time in the community on a variety of volunteer projects. Instead of sitting idle, they built bonds in their neighborhood.
2. Are you flexible when it comes to solving problems?
Resilience demands problem-solving skills. But a rigid approach to problem-solving fuels frustration, not fortitude. A flexible mindset is a must.
As I share in "The Mentally Strong Leader," you need three specific types of flexibility:
Intellectual flexibility, which means keeping an open mind, considering "outside-the-box" solutions, and being open to having your assumptions challenged
Emotional flexibility, which means not getting too attached to a possible solution or letting your emotions drive you to make rash decisions
Dispositional flexibility, which means having fun with the problem-solving process while improvising and experimenting as needed
3. Do you balance reality with hope, even in adversity?
The most resilient leaders I've worked for all shared one superpower: the ability to balance reality and hope.
I've had managers who only communicated the reality of an adverse situation. They were depressing. I've had managers who only communicated optimism. They were out of touch.
The best managers I've had were realistic about the circumstances at hand, but operated with an undertone of hope. They successfully navigated through big obstacles when others failed.
4. When facing a setback, do you focus on what you still have versus what you lost?
Adversity often makes us feel as though we've lost something, like time, money, support, or confidence. But highly resilient people concentrate on what they still have to be thankful for when setbacks arise.
When you focus on working with what you have versus bemoaning what you don't, you can do what needs to be done rather than getting stuck ruminating on what you've lost and what else could go wrong.
5. Do you avoid getting stuck thinking, 'It's not fair'?
Fixating on how unfair your circumstances are can paralyze you, leaving you with the capacity only for anger, not action. Getting stuck in "it's not fair" can lead to a victim mentality, which erodes resilience. You learn to believe you're helpless or powerless. You're not.
Resilient people don't think, "Why me?" They think, "Why not me?" As in, "Why can't I be the one who courageously rises above these circumstances?"
Own your part in the circumstance you're in, commit to learn and grow from it, and be willing to change your situation rather than just wishing it would change.
6. Do you avoid exaggerating how painful a setback really is?
"Catastrophizing" makes mountains out of molehills. It frazzles you instead of focusing you. It distorts the situation instead of defusing it.
Resilience comes from being realistic about the true impact of the circumstance without minimizing or exaggerating. It means compartmentalizing any truly negative effect so it doesn't bleed over into other parts of your job or life.
7. Are you compassionate with yourself when you make mistakes?
Staying resilient is hard enough. Why make it harder by beating yourself up when you stumble?
When adversity strikes, pay attention to what you feel about yourself. Instead of judging yourself, name the emotion. For example: "I feel like a failure right now."
When you name it, the sensation begins to lose its hold over you and becomes something specific you can address. It's something you're experiencing, not who you are. You feel like a failure. That doesn't mean you are a failure.
Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would a friend in need. And remember that you're bigger than any mistake.
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