Political incontinence and foul distemper has taken over the land. Okon has been adding fillips to the disorder in his own unique ways. When he is not running abusive commentaries about the political elite, he is busy excoriating the major ethnic groups for bringing Nigeria into disrepute.

One sultry afternoon, Okon stormed out of the house after a heated exchange with Mama Igosun vowing to form his own party. He had asked the tough matriarch which party she would vote for in the coming election.

“Mabolaje Grand Alliance”, the old woman replied with a frown.

“Mafoluku abi wetin you call am?  Which kind Yoruba secret society be dat one again? Abi na fuku dis mama think dem dey chop for party?”, Okon snorted.

“Na your papa dey Mafoluku. Na dem party of dem Adelabu, dem Akinbiyi and dem Akinloye. Abi no be dem Gbomogbomo (kidnappers) party your kobokobo people dey do for Ikot Olosi?” Mama snarled, eyeing the mad boy with angry disdain.

“Chei! Dem dead Yoruba troublemakers again! Nigeria don kaput.” Okon lamented bitterly.

“Wo tinba la orogun yi mo e lori waagba”, Mama cursed and charged at the mad boy.

You can then imagine snooper’s consternation when the half-crazed dustbin woman charged breathlessly into the sitting room to announce that Okon was on television fielding questions. And lo there was the crazy one dressed like a resource control chieftain running rings round everybody.

“Etubom Okon, thanks for coming again. It takes a lot of courage. It…” the adorable lady interviewer opened.

“See me see trouble ooo. I never come once and you don dey say again. Let me tell una, dis yeye thin no dey take courage at all”, Okon retorted with devilish hoopla. The poor girl squirmed in embarrassment. At this point, Baba Lekki staggered in thoroughly drenched with incontinence reeking of cheap illicit gin and shivering like a rain-beaten chicken. Okon took a scornful look at the human fiasco and burst into deranged laughter.

“You see, make una throway salute for baba oo. Him dey come from Ikorodu Island. Him come reach Majidun by boat and him come swim the rest,” the mad boy crowed.

“May we know you sir?” the other lady asked Baba Lekki.

“I am Lambert Adesokan, the Elegiri of Alekuso, Inter-LLB”, Baba replied promptly.

“Sir as they say, let charity begin at home..” the first lady began.

“Ah dem Ibo girl again! Dem Charity be dem Ibo girl wey im papa dey wire. When dem ask Ibo man why him dey wire him own daughter him come reply say Charity must to begin at home”, Okon sneered. The interviewers ignored the mad boy.

“Sir, what is the name of your party?” one of them asked baba.

“CAN. Comedian Association of Nigeria.” Baba replied.

“What is your motto?”

“Toyota Landcruiser!”, Okon jumped in again and was ignored.

“And where is your party manifesto?” one of the lady’s asked sniffily and prettily.

“Nonsense. I don’t do bourgeois chicanery. A people’s party needs no manifesto. The educators need to be properly educated”, Baba Lekki spat in perfect English.

At this point, the station succumbed to a massive power cut.

• (First published in 2010)

The Nation