In the land of renewed hope, it appears that Nigeria is hurtling back in time—way back. Thanks to the brilliant economic policies crafted under the watchful eye of our dear President Bola Tinubu, Nigerians can now boast of a dental renaissance! Yes, the humble chewing stick has returned to save the day, as the soaring cost of toothpaste—now the exclusive preserve of oligarchs and business magnates—has sent ordinary citizens scrambling for nature’s toothbrush.

The genius behind Tinubu’s economic overhaul is undeniable. Remove fuel subsidies? Check. Float the Naira into a free fall? Check. Throw in inflation so rampant that toothpaste now costs as much as a month’s salary? Absolutely! But Nigerians, ever resilient, have found their way back to the trees. And why not? After all, the chewing stick has been celebrated for centuries. Who needs fluoride, when you can strip bark from the nearest medicinal tree?

One of the many benefits of this forced return to traditional dental hygiene is the fortification of our molars—because let’s face it, they’ll need to be stronger than ever. With the price of meat now as inaccessible as the president himself, Nigerians will need their newfound, chewing-stick-strengthened teeth to literally crunch bones at mealtime. Why pay for beef when you can savor the chewy satisfaction of grinding a cow’s femur into submission? At this rate, Nigerians will soon evolve into omnivorous titans, capable of turning a bone into a delicacy.

But wait, there’s more! The local rice, notorious for being peppered with enough stones to start a quarry, will no longer be a problem. Thanks to the wondrous chewing stick, Nigerians’ jaws will soon be mighty enough to grind pebbles into sand. No need to worry about the occasional chipped tooth—after all, with dentists charging enough to make you contemplate full-body anesthesia, who needs them?

And in case you thought this dental transformation was limited to dietary changes, think again. With bandits and kidnappers roaming the streets, our leaders have failed spectacularly at protecting the lives of everyday Nigerians. But fear not! In the true spirit of “do it yourself,” the strength imparted by these chewing sticks may soon turn teeth into the ultimate self-defense tool. Yes, thanks to the absence of functional security, Nigerians may soon be able to literally bite back. If kidnappers try to drag you into the bush, just sink your chewing-stick-enhanced chompers into their arms. Who needs a functioning police force when your teeth can double as a weapon?

And let’s not forget the nation’s overburdened dentists. Charging exorbitant fees to treat mere toothaches, these professionals have long been out of reach for the common man. But not anymore! The chewing stick promises to end the tyranny of high dental fees by making teeth so strong that common ailments like tooth decay and cavities become distant memories. Why spend your hard-earned cash on dental appointments when a stick plucked from your backyard can solve all your problems?

This resurgence of chewing sticks is truly a testament to the Tinubu administration’s vision of a self-reliant nation. Why bother with modern conveniences like affordable healthcare, safe streets, or a stable economy when you can return to the good old days of bark-chewing and stone-grinding? It’s not that Nigeria is falling apart; it’s simply that we’re evolving—into a nation where resilience is all we can afford, and chewing sticks are the new toothpaste.

So, a round of applause for the economic architects of our time. Who knew that the road to national prosperity was paved with hardship, galloping inflation, and a return to pre-civilization dental care? Remember, fellow Nigerians: When life gives you economic hardship, follow the First Lady’s advice: make chewing sticks a part of your backyard farming. Your teeth might be the only thing getting stronger in these trying times.

Let’s raise our chewing sticks in salute, and savor the flavor of progress—bark, stones, and all!