To Empire Hall at Agidingbi where Baba Lekki is fielding questions from a posse of star-struck reporters on the state of the nation. The meeting had been summoned to collapse all the groups agitating for a better Nigeria into one. Okon’s group, the incendiary and subversive Coalition Against Criminals Out of Jail (CACOJ), was one of these and the crazy boy was up in arms.
Originally built by a famous Lagosian philanthropist of the early twentieth century for relaxation and recreation among the hinterland rustics thronging the capital in search of a better life, the Empire Hall had fallen into disuse and disrepute and had become a haven for crooks, criminals and cut-purses; all those who had lost their way in the tumultuous emporium.
On this wet and damp morning, many wayfarers and the gainfully unemployed had started thronging the Empire Hall to see if it would live up to its historic billing. Like Kiriji, Agidingbi was a scary onomatopoeia for the sound of canons from the British naval frigate which bombarded the island into submission circa 1861. Aa –gi- din—gbiiii !!!!!
Testy times have returned to haunt the nation. It was full of sullen and ugly foreboding. The government had drawn the ire of the nation with the latest increase in the price of petroleum product. Labour, as usual, has given a long notice, to allow for over-invoicing and estimated bill of laden and offloading to arrive at the appropriate quarters.
The rollicking applause and ovation that greeted Baba lekki as he sauntered into the hall dressed in trousers and a sleeve-less shirt seemed to have driven Okon to cynical fury.
“Hen, hen now dat you come dress like dem Lumumba man wetin you fit do Okon?” the mad boy snorted in derisive mirth.
“Okon, this is not pancake and Egusi matter”, Baba Lekki jeered at him to loud murmurs of approval as he mounted the podium. Sensing that he was losing public approval, Okon raised the stakes.
“I sabi why dem foolish Yoruba people dey joke me. Dem say make we come collapse, I say Okon no dey fear collapse but make dem Yoruba people collapse first. Na so dem come finis Papa Eyo Ita”, Okon sulked aloud.
“Bloody fool. Asiwere!!!!! (mad man)”, one crazy-looking hoodlum spat.
“Okon , I have told you that this meeting is not for hewers of wood and drawers of water”, Baba Lekki noted with a mild, patronizing frown.
“As for, I no dey woo wood because man no be wood. And na dem Lagos women dey draw water from Okon insha Allah”, the mad boy crowed with satanic relish.
“Digbolugi!!! (an unhinged dog)” the crazy hoodlum screamed as Baba Lekki ordered the reporters to begin their session.
“Baba, please what do you think is wrong with this country?” the lead reporter demanded with tears streaming down his comely face.
“The nation is suffering from state embolism. “Baba lekki responded without any emotion.
“What?” somebody screamed.
“State embolism occurs when a rogue blood clot finds its way to the heart to cause cardiac arrest”, Baba lekki continued with clinical and forensic brilliance.
“So, the state has killed the nation, abi no be so? Baba who is bankrolling you?” one cynical but brilliant-looking reporter with a wolfish visage shot at the old man.
“Your bankrupt father!” Baba Lekki snarled. It was at this point that Okon suddenly jumped up as if stung.
“Baba, even common cook sabi dat one. When bank they erupt and bank dey roll, na armed robbers dey behind”, the mad boy summarized proceeding as the whole hall erupted in pandemonium.
The Nation
