To Freedom House in Ilasamaja where Okon is billed to take part in an interactive session on the lessons of Covid-19 organised by a group calling itself Coalition Against Covid-19 Criminals (COACOC). As the dreaded pandemic gradually naturalises and insinuates itself into human consciousness as a new way of life, many rogue groups are springing up claiming to have an answer to the scourge.
The day began on a rather trying note with the usual early morning altercation between Mama Igosun and a feckless Okon. A sweet aromatic smell wafted through the air as Okon insisted that Mama Igosun was engaging in her witchcraft practice again.
“Oga, oga, Mama say him dey prepare eja tutu (Fresh fish). But this one no be fresh fish at all. Na Yoruba magomago be dis one”, the mad boy screamed. Snooper ventured out only to be confronted by a most outlandish sight. There was the old Amazon dressed like an Ifa priestess walking up and down the street carrying a huge ancient bronze lantern from which smoke billowed furiously while mama unleashed some aboriginal incantations.
“Akanbi mi, no mind the yeye boy. I tell am say I dey prepare etutu (sacrifice) and him think say na fish pepper soup. Dis dem Coffin 19 no be joke again. Coffin don reach one million. I say make I come clear dem evil forest. Na dem thin we use for dem smallpox for 1946”, the old woman chanted breathlessly. Yours sincerely quickly beat a hasty retreat.
At the Freedom House, Okon was his old jaunty and swashbuckling self all over again, eyeing everybody with an insolent scowl. One man immediately registered his displeasure.
“Oh, it is this rude boy with his saucy jokes again “, the fellow noted with cynical apprehension.
“Thunder fire your Yoruba gbegiri mouth!” Okon screamed. The organisers quickly calmed the mad boy down as he burst into a torrent of Efik curses. The interactive session was immediately joined.
“What do you think about this Covid-19 pandemic?” Okon was asked.
“Ah thank you. You see dis one no be Covid-19 again. Na Covid-419 dis one be”, the mad boy crowed as the audience clapped in approval.
“How do you mean?” the lead presenter demanded.
“How do you mean how do I mean? You no see dem officials as dem dey spend money yafunyafun and as dem cheek come be like my brother dem Joseph Wayas Obudu cheek?”, the crazy rogue retorted almost bringing the house down with mirth. It was at this point that some wag decided to up the ante.
“Okon, do you have any underlying condition?” the strange looking man demanded.
“Yes I get underlying condition and him dey under dem pant. Na Sikira and dem fat Yoruba women for Somolu dey take care of dat with dem overlying condition”, the mad boy retorted with a devilish grin.
“Oma ale!! (bastard)” an irate Lagosian screamed as he threw a book which caught Okon pat on the nose. Exeunt snooper with his tail firmly stuck behind his hinds.
The Nation
