For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ ~ 1 Corinthians 3:11.
Introduction:
There are many couples out there these days who seem to be in perpetual emotional pain because of certain agonizing marital issues. These harrowing experiences are most noticeable in marriages that are contracted on faulty foundations, especially in homes plagued with gross ignorance as to how to tackle the inevitable mess of such foundational errors.
Happy, healthy, successful, harmonious and lifelong marriages don’t just happen, neither can they be willed into existence by wishful thinking. They’re usually worked out: built on the solid foundation of God’s Word and continuously spiced with the ingredients of bible virtues (Philippians 2:12-13).
Now, the foundation of every structure is of paramount importance, and very crucial to its future. It’s the foundation that determines how long the building can keep standing. Structural stability and durability are dependent on the depth and strength of the foundation.
Oftentimes, wall cracks, broken tiles and uneven floors are indicative of foundational failures. Again, if doors become jammed or windows don’t close properly, the problems are sometimes traceable to the foundation. Normally, fixing foundational issues requires professional expertise to maintain the structural integrity of the building.
No matter how beautiful, fanciful, attractive, splendid, magnificent or grandiose a building is, if its foundation is not as solid and deep as it should be, or if it is deficient in any way, the building is doomed to collapse eventually. A building is only as strong as its foundation.
One important factor that’s often considered in designing a foundation — shallow or deep, solid or otherwise — is its load-bearing capacity. When a foundation is loaded beyond its bearing capacity, the structure built on it is bound to collapse ultimately.
Meanwhile, these principles that go for physical buildings also go for homes and marriages. The foundation of a marital relationship determines its strength, health, durability and success. Yes, a marriage is as strong as the basis on which it is founded.
Truth is, virtually every marriage is bound to experience storms, wind and rain occasionally, no matter who the couple is or the level of the anointing they carry. The storms could be financial, child-bearing, health-related, etcetera. But, at such times, it’s your belief system that will determine how you’ll weather the storms.
Marriages built on the strong foundation of God’s Word will not only survive but also thrive amid the terrifying storms of life. Contrariwise, marriages built on faulty foundations risk ultimate collapse (Matthew 7:24-27).
It’s quintessential for Christians, therefore, to settle for nothing less than godly Christian partners with whom they can effectively weather the storms when they come, and rescue their homes when the winds become contrary.
No matter what you put into your marriage, if the foundation is faulty, it may collapse anytime if nothing is done to rescue it. It’s very important, therefore, to carefully investigate the foundation upon which your marriage is built, and effect repairs where necessary to rectify the situation and reset your family life.
The Causes of Faulty Foundations In Marital Unions
We generally describe a thing as being faulty when it has unattractive or undesirable features. A faulty marital foundation, therefore, refers to the presence of flaws or anomalies at the lowest bearing of the marriage relationship, which may eventually give rise to major catastrophes in the union.
Foundational problems are usually deep-rooted, and can manifest in marriages for various reasons, namely, satanic manipulations, socio-cultural dissonance, marital illiteracy and evil seeds from third parties.
Marital fault-lines are clearly evident where relationships are based on lies, ill-motivated acts of charity, societal/parental pressure, premarital sexual intercourse, materialistic tendencies, chronic class consciousness, selfishness, competition, selfish ambitions, immaturity, inadequate preparations for marriage, traditions and cultural impositions, etcetera.
Moreover, there is a spiritual foundation for every marital failure. The only viable basis for a happy marriage is God’s Word (Psalms 127:1-2). Our Creator God is also the founder of the marriage institution; thus, He’s the only Inerrant Matchmaker. Once this foundation is sick, the marital union will then be exposed to demonic pollutions that may ignite troubles anytime, degrade marital harmony or even totally destroy the union.
Furthermore, a marriage without proper premarital courtship is built on a faulty foundation. Many unmarried people take many important things for granted during courtship. Such attitudes invariably lead to pains, with stubborn issues they may find hard to correct during marriage.
Marriage isn’t a joke, and human beings are complex in nature (Jeremiah 17:9). Hence, it’s too simplistic to assume you know any man or woman just by his or her face value at first sight. A lot of problems in marriage could be avoided if couples took time to truly know and understand each other before going into it.
Partners should trash out gray areas, such as family background, old habits, addictions, shared visions, joint responsibilities, financial philosophies, health status, faith status, and prospective family size before going into proper marriage. Preferences for management of disagreements and crises should equally be ironed out during courtship.
Courtship generally involves careful observations of each other’s attitudes, likes, dislikes, facial reactions to situations, temperaments, etcetera. If you lack these information about someone with whom you intend to live for the rest of your life, and you assume that the union will be harmonious, you may be a stunning joker.
Again, a marriage relationship founded on beauty alone is unfortunately built on a faulty foundation, and may not last. Beauty doesn’t last! When beauty forms the only basis for a marriage, it is simply built on vanity and as with all vanity fare, such a marriage is always short-lived (Proverbs 31:30).
From my counseling experiences, I discovered particularly that people who unduly consider themselves as being alluringly beautiful, and set much store by it, can be self-absorbed, callous, conceited, very arrogant, patronizing and overtly entitled. Such wrong attitudes could constitute major threats to proper marital relationships. Remember Vashti (Esther 1:9-22)!
Now, the important questions are: how can these foundation-related challenges be tackled, and how can couples re-ignite the flame of love and keep it burning in their homes?
Biblical Tips for Repairing Faulty Marriage Foundations
The Bible says, "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (Psalm 11:3). However, this isn’t auto-suggesting that the righteous is any way hopeless in the face of a faulty marital foundation. No, not at all! The righteous can choose to rectify his marital fault-lines by trusting in the Lord God, and by following His guidelines (Jeremiah 32:17).
The following drastic measures must be taken to repair the fault-lines and rescue the otherwise doomed marriage: identification of family foundation, confession of sin and genuine repentance, aggressive prayers and intercession, breaking of evil covenant and curses, and restitution where applicable. The Axe of God must be readily engaged to uproot every unprofitable implants that cause painful cracks in the home.
Furthermore, the couple must resolve to keep God first in the marital relationship, being Christ-centered in everything and striving to maintain a good biblical family relationship always (Ephesians 5:21-25).
The couple must also become readily open to sound biblical counsels at all times, demonstrating kingdom-mindedness in their togetherness, laughing together and making time to converse and to communicate as one body in Christ.
Friends and brethren, these useful steps require committed efforts on your part, but the blessings and the rewards of such efforts are priceless and immeasurable. You must determine today to remain faithful to your marital vows. May God’s grace sustain you and your home until the end, in Jesus’ Name, Amen. You won’t miss it. Happy Sunday!
** Bishop Taiwo Akinola,
Rhema Christian Church,
Otta, Ogun State, Nigeria.
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