Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her … She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life ~ Proverbs 31:10-12.
Introduction:
The family unit is the basic building block of the human society. When it flounders, every other thing follows that pattern. No wonder, the state of happiness that a group of people, a nation or even a Church community enjoys is determined by the degree of harmony in the individual homes that make it up.
Many people today are experiencing heartaches arising from shattered dreams and broken promises in the place of real love. These aches are certainly preventable, but the foundation of the marital union is very crucial in this regard.
Indeed, the single most dangerous mistake anyone can make in life is in relation to the choice of marital partner. Marriage can be a happy and beautiful venture, but the choice of a spouse is a paramount factor in marital success. We must determine to always choose right in the Will of God.
Identifying With God’s Will In Marriage
In real life, oftentimes, the good is not always good enough, the better falls short occasionally; hence, the permissive should be totally out of our purviews. The best way to go is the perfect Will of God, and we must never stop striving for it until we get it (Romans 12:1-2).
The Will of God defines His agenda, thoughts, desires, intents and plans for our lives, which usually include a wife/husband, among other things, to accomplish it. Nothing can compare with the Will of God in marriage. You must locate it, to enjoy God’s favour maximally (Proverbs 18:22).
Meanwhile, as with many other good things in life, the provision of goodly spouses rests with the Lord, but the onus for ‘finding’ them is on us (James 1:17; Proverbs 19:14; 31:10-31; Psalm 34:10). Nevertheless, those who hope for lifelong happy homes shouldn’t advance in marriage plans without God’s approval (John 8:12; 16:13).
An assurance of the express Will of God in any marital union emboldens the hearts of the married couple, gives them confidence and prevents intimidation by any challenging situation that may show up in the future (Matthew 7:24-25).
God’s Will may not be detected through beauty, facial appeals, dreams or any such common human considerations (Proverbs 31:30). The leading of God is by the Holy Spirit, and it’s hinged upon the Word (Romans 8:14).
Basic Practical Considerations In Marital Choices
The Lord desires His children to preserve their holy and peculiar traits (Deuteronomy 14:2). Some professing Christians however think, like Solomon, that they may unite with the ungodly. They follow their own desires, and marriages unapproved by God are therefore formed.
But, oftentimes they soon find themselves, entrapped and overcome, yielding their sacred faith, sacrificing their principles and drifting away from God. One false step leads to another, and by an avoidable chain of circumstances they are held in Satan's net.
Let’s beware of evil concupiscence and unwholesome passion! Those who are ruled by them have bitter harvests to reap in this life; their destinies may even derail, and their courses may lead to the loss of their souls. We must eliminate every idol in our hearts (Ezekiel 14:4).
Furthermore, the people entering into marriage relationships should realize that a responsibility rests upon them that far exceeds just “feeling” loved and planning to have children together. Families mold the societies, and children generally inherit the peculiar character traits which their parents possess.
Intending partners should muster sufficient emotional courage to resist artificial mismatch, because the misery that may arise from such may be felt by their offsprings as well. Why should innocent children be brought into existence, just to share in the voluntary miseries of their parents?
Essential Factors In Meeting And Choosing The Right Partner
From the outset, you must know who you may not marry: an unbeliever, another person’s wife/husband, your blood relatives, someone of same sex with you, or someone with whom you cannot agree (Amos 3:3). For the purpose of abundant clarity, you may not marry any animal (Leviticus 18:22-30; 20:10-19).
As an ancient scriptural rule, Christians must marry Christians (2Corinthians 6:14). The duties of marriage relationships generally involve godly characters, and there will certainly be a continual heartache if one partner is saved and the other is lost, more so that marriage is for life (1Corinthians 7:39).
The Bible says the heart of an unbeliever is desperately wicked in the sight of God (Jeremiah 17:9). Even if he/she appears lovely, exposed, rich or educated, he/she is still a child of the devil. Remember: some apples may look good, but they’re rotten inside. Watch out!
Brethren in the same Church organization should be confident enough to marry each other (Numbers 36:8; Genesis 24:51-67; 28:1-2; 29:21). The scourge of Solomon was in his marriage to strange women (2Chronicles 8:11; 1Kings 11:1-4). And, Samson too (Judges 14:1-16). Strangers are potential dangers (Ecclesiastes 7:26).
Look out for godly virtues in the person you’re proposing to be your marital partner (Proverbs 31:11,23,28). Marry only based on heart agreement and love (Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:25; Titus 2:4). Successful marriages are those premised on “for better for worse” and “until death do us part”.
Sanctified Practical Sense In Identifying A Quality Potential Marital Partner
Every man must seek one to stand by his side who would make him happy in life (Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22). And, she’s most fitting if she is a woman indeed: wise in communication, innocent in character, friendly, forgiving, a practical home “economist”, easily corrected and exemplary as a helper-companion.
Similarly, before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. She should discreetly inquire if he’s pure, manly, diligent, aspiring and one who loves and fears God. He should be honest, homely, unyielding to evil, understanding, strong, sincere, supportive, bold, abiding, noble and dependable.
When these things are evident in the relationship, be calm, your life partner may have come your way. Albeit, never rush into marriage relationship; it is not a do or die affair (1Corinthians 7:1-2, 27-29). Be thoughtful, careful and spiritual while you make your plans towards marriage. An unhappy marriage can be worse than the unmarried state (Ecclesiastes 3:1,11).
Marriage is not for “children” but “adults”. We must be physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially mature before taking the leap. One must wait for all grey areas to be cleared amicably. Specifically, wait to know each other better, and never marry out of pity.
While waiting for God’s will, pray for divine enablement to live for God, and be zealous in His services. Avoid compromise and dangerous habits like pecking, petting, and over-familiarity with the opposite sex. Maintain purity. Relax, God is still in control and He knows what to do to put smile on your face, in His time.
Friends and brethren, keep in mind that the husband-wife relationship is meant to be very close in godly unions. Both are interdependent, and they belong happily together. But, choosing the right partner is very crucial to this ideal.
If you are already married, please remain happily so by holding onto the glowing standards of the Bible, and ensure you pass the same on to the younger generation of your children (Genesis 18:17-19). May you never miss it, in Jesus Name. Happy Sunday!
** Bishop Taiwo Akinola,
Rhema Christian Church,
Otta, Ogun State, Nigeria.
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