Katsina State’s morality police, the Hisbah Board, has officially declared nightclubs illegal, ensuring that anyone daring to enjoy themselves after sunset is in for a rude awakening. Citing “Islamic principles” and a desperate need to police personal choices, Hisbah’s Commander-General, Aminu Usman (Abu Ammar), made the grand announcement on Wednesday.

In what can only be described as a crusade against enjoyment, Hisbah ordered nightclub owners to shut down their businesses immediately, warning that anyone caught defying the decree would face severe consequences. According to them, this is all in the name of “curbing immoral practices,” “protecting societal values,” and—of course—solving the state’s security issues. Because, apparently, criminals will now turn themselves in since there’s no music playing at night.

To ensure absolute obedience, Hisbah has enlisted the help of security agencies, turning them into enforcers of fun prohibition. The board even went as far as alerting the state’s Commissioner for Internal Security to make sure no dance floor remains untouched.

This latest moral campaign follows Hisbah’s previous bans on prostitution and gambling in 2024. Not satisfied with just that, the ever-watchful squad also declared war on “funny hairstyles,” promising to take “necessary actions” against anyone whose hair offends their delicate sensibilities.