If you read my Inc. columns, you know I’m a huge fan and practitioner of emotional intelligence. Of course, I’m biased since I coach leaders for a living. But play along, you might find this useful and maybe even convincing.

Did you know 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence? On the flip side, just 20 percent of bottom performers are high in emotional intelligence. That’s according to research by the good folks at TalentSmartEQ. Here are other good reasons to bulk up your EQ muscles:

• Leaders with high EQ outperform their counterparts by 40 percent in key aspects such as employee engagement, decision-making, and coaching.
• Leaders with high EQ are better at understanding and managing emotions—their own and others’—which enhances their ability to motivate teams, foster a positive work environment, and make sound decisions under pressure.
• Research indicates that the main causes of executive derailment are deficits in emotional competence. The three primary issues include difficulty adapting to change, inability to collaborate effectively in teams, and poor interpersonal relationships.

Say the right things

You get the point, but there’s a twist. One key to emotional intelligence isn’t just what people know, how empathetic they are, or how they behave or respond to situations, but also the words they use to connect, inspire, and lead.

There is immense power in the words and phrases we speak! People with high EQ have a knack for choosing them at just the right time to tilt the conversation to their advantage.

In fact, psychology experts suggest that when used properly, certain words or phrases demonstrate that you may have higher emotional intelligence than most people. For example:

“Could you tell me more about that?”

This question is used at that key point in a conversation when you may not necessarily agree or see something the same way as the other person, so you dig deeper. For many of us, the default mode is to cut it short and win over the argument with a rebuttal and persuade the person to our point of view. This tactic also is lacking in self-awareness, which really works against you. Seven words is all it takes to change the outcome to your advantage.

“Explain to me why … ”

People love to talk about themselves. By drawing attention to them and their story, you make connections. For example, when you seek advice or ask someone a genuine question about how something works, it’s rewarding for them. By asking an employee or co-worker to explain something, they’ll associate you with being a curious and open-minded person. And research has found that curious people are known for having better relationships, and other people are more easily attracted and feel socially closer to individuals who display curiosity. An example to finish this sentence could be: “Explain to me why moving in this direction excites you. I want to learn more about what gets you pumped up.”

“I could use your advice on this.”

Research has linked people who ask for advice to being perceived as more competent than they are. They are emotionally present and ask for help when it’s needed. By being real, humble, and emotionally honest, teams connect and collaborate better. That’s a recipe for good business outcomes.

Inc