I wrote a book entitled: Why Christians Won’t Go to Heaven. Some Christians complained that my book is too absolute. They said I should have written: “Why Some Christians Won’t Go to Heaven.” No, I replied. I mean no Christian will go to heaven. Christianity is not a criterion for heaven. Then, I wrote an article entitled “Christians Make Terrible Husbands.” Some self-righteous Christian husbands shot back saying I should have said: “Some Christian Make Terrible Husbands.” No!  No!  No!  I mean “all Christian husbands.”

God’s prophetic word is appropriately expressed in absolute terms. Jesus says: “The sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 8:12). He does not say “some of the sons of the kingdom.” It is not the job of the prophet to give you the option whereby you can exclude yourself from his prophecy.

Option of Divorce

Man specialises in turning the God’s truth into a lie. Take, for example, the question of divorce. Moses knew God is against divorce. Nevertheless, he permitted the Israelites to divorce their wives. What gave Moses such audacity?   

Jesus says: “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9).

God’s command on the question of divorce is absolute; but man turned it into a relative command. When the disciples discovered that God is absolutely against divorce, they replied: “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” (Matthew 19:10). In short, they would rather not marry than obey God in marriage.

But if we don’t marry, we are confronted with another absolute commandment. We must not have sex outside of marriage. We must not fornicate. What then is the way out? Sin!

Relative Marriages

Most Christians contract relative marriages, even though the marriage covenant is couched in absolute terms. When we say: “for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health,” we are speaking absolutely and not relatively. Nevertheless, we retain the option of divorce if things get worse or poorer.

When we quarrel one year down the road, we play the divorce card. But if divorce were an option in God’s plan for marriage, He would not have asked Hosea to marry a prostitute. As to be expected, Hosea’s prostitute wife was unfaithful to him. She even had children by other men. Nevertheless, divorce was not an option for Hosea.

In short, the Christian marriage has become a farce. We talk the talk but do not walk the walk. We make the absolute commitment, even before God, knowing full well we have no intention of keeping it. We promise to be faithful; “forsaking all others,” but have no qualms whatsoever about having affairs. We even have one or two children out of wedlock.  

We promise to love and to cherish, yet we are not averse to beating up our wives, sometimes to the point of hospitalisation. No wonder then that the Christian marriage is no longer till death do us part. It is now till divorce do us part. It is till problems do us part, or till economic adversity do us part, or till the bondwoman do us part.

As usual, Jesus foresaw all this hypocrisy. He would not have us deceive ourselves by signing a legal agreement, or by going before a pastor and a church to make our marriage binding. Precisely because we choose to swear the oath of marriage, that implies we are not trustworthy and cannot trust others. In the scriptures, marriages were not determined by oaths, but by sexual intercourse.

Jesus says: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’ But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37).

Rationalising Absolutes

Christians specialise in converting God’s absolutes to man’s relatives. A famous Nigerian pastor was divorced from his wife. He then committed adultery by remarrying a divorced woman. Nevertheless, he told his congregation that “the Holy Spirit” ministered to him that his new wife had never been married before. The woman who was married before is dead and this newly-married wife is born again. So, old things are passed away (including her previous marriage), behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Paul’s scriptures are often twisted by those inclined to contradict Jesus. Sometimes, people use Paul to lose complete sight of Jesus. When you quote Jesus to them, they accuse you of heresy. One pastor with a vested interest said forbidding a Christian to remarry because he is divorced is a doctrine of demons. Where does he get this from? Paul says: “The Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry.” (1 Timothy 4:1-3).

When queried by a journalist about his remarriage after divorce, a famous Nigerian pastor had this to say:  

“Some argue that the Bible says you must remain unmarried for as long as your spouse is alive… The bible doesn’t say so. It doesn’t say so. I think a lot of people don’t study the Word of God enough. There is a difference between a man who marries a woman and the woman leaves him and the one that divorces. There are so many people who are parading themselves as preachers of the scriptures who don’t know the Bible enough, particularly in the area of marriage.”

Absolute Marriage

However, marriage is God’s institution. It is not man-made. God’s marriage plan is absolute; there is no divorce. It is till death do us part. Indeed, everything about God’s concept of marriage is absolute. God’s absolute marriage has one prototype. It is between Adam and Eve. It is not between Adam and Steve.

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a man to hate his wife? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a man to beat his wife or for a wife to slap her husband? 

Under absolutely no circumstances!  

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband or a wife to commit adultery? 

Under absolutely no circumstances!

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband and wife to abuse one another? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband and wife to deceive one another? 

Under absolutely no circumstances! 

Under what circumstances is it lawful for a husband to kiss his wife? 

Under absolutely all circumstances!

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.; www.femiaribisala.com

A minor narrative in the Bible is rocketing to the forefront of the modern world’s mind after a stunning discovery in the deserts of modern Israel.

The narrative, chronicled across two chapters in 2 Kings, details the march of the Assyrians on Israel and Judah during the reign of Judah’s King Hezekiah.

The Assyrian host, headed by King Sennacherib, deals easily with Israel and turns its focus solely on Judah. Hezekiah is extorted by the foreign invader in 2 Kings 18, and the demanded ransom is gathered by stripping the temple of Yahweh of precious metal.

The world is never satisfied, however.

Despite the payment, Sennacherib and his cronies demand more and more of Judah, until finally setting up a siege camp outside of Jerusalem. At one point, the Assyrian king’s cupbearer-in-chief is meeting with Hezekiah’s palace officials outside of the city walls and haughtily shouting over them to persuade Judah’s defenders to defect.

His taunts are quoted in 2 Kings 18:33-35.

“Has any of the gods of the nations ever delivered his land out of the hand of the king of Assyria? Where are the gods of Hamath and Arpad? Where are the gods of Sepharvaim, Hena, and Ivvah? Have they delivered Samaria out of my hand? Who among all the gods of the lands have delivered their lands out of my hand, that the Lord should deliver Jerusalem out of my hand?”

The people of Judah, on Hezekiah’s orders, refuse to answer the cupbearer-in-chief’s taunts.

Despite the people’s defiance, the situation looks grim for the kingdom of Judah. At the onset of 2 Kings 19, Hezekiah is rending his clothes and wearing sackcloth, humbling himself in God’s temple as the siege looms.

God eventually answers Hezekiah’s prayers for salvation through the prophet Isaiah, who foretells the doom of the irreverent Assyrians encamped outside of the city.

By verses 35 and 36, the situation reverses in a sudden divine stroke.

“And that night the angel of the Lord went out and struck down 185,000 in the camp of the Assyrians. And when people arose early in the morning, behold, these were all dead bodies. Then Sennacherib king of Assyria departed and went home and lived at Nineveh.”

Before any Bible doubters out there scoff at this narrative, first consider a recent and startling find in this ancient landscape.

According to an article published in the journal Near Eastern Archaeologyand cited by Live Science, the Bronze Age military camps established by the Assyrians have been found.

Scholar Stephen Compton made one discovery near Jerusalem by comparing old aerial photographs of the area with historical accounts of the place. He eventually found an oval-shaped structure, reminiscent of the Assyrian camp construction, at Jebel el Mudawwara.

At Lachish, an ancient fortified population center mentioned as besieged in the 2 Kings narrative of Sennacherib, Compton found a similar potential encampment near the city by using images found in the British Museum.

The sites differ from later Roman military camps, which were typically entrenched in rectangular fortifications.

Although more study will be needed to completely confirm Compton’s findings, the discovery underlines the expansive history of the region and hints this is not the last piece of physical proof that will emerge to further confirm biblical narratives.

The Western Journal

The Federal Competition and Consumer Protection Commission (FCCPC) has concluded an investigation into Meta Platforms, Inc. and WhatsApp LLC, collectively referred to as Meta Parties, finding them guilty of multiple and repeated violations of the Federal Competition and Consumer Protection Act (FCCPA) 2018 and Nigeria Data Protection Regulation (NDPR) 2019. As a result, the Commission has issued a Final Order imposing a $220 million penalty on the Meta Parties.

The investigation, which began in May 2021, was conducted jointly by the FCCPC and the Nigeria Data Protection Commission (NDPC). Over a span of 38 months, the investigation scrutinized Meta Parties' privacy policies and practices, uncovering abusive and invasive conduct against Nigerian consumers. These practices included unauthorized appropriation of personal data, discriminatory treatment of Nigerian data subjects, and the imposition of exploitative privacy policies without proper consent.

Despite multiple engagements with the Commission, Meta Parties failed to provide satisfactory defenses or justifications for their actions. The Final Order outlines specific violations, including the denial of data subjects' rights to self-determine, unauthorized cross-border data transfers, discriminatory practices, abuse of dominant market position, and unlawful tying and bundling of services.

The FCCPC has mandated Meta Parties to take corrective measures to comply with Nigerian law, cease exploitative practices, and ensure fair treatment of Nigerian consumers. The $220 million fine, imposed in accordance with the FCCPA 2018 and the Federal Competition and Consumer Protection (Administrative Penalties) Regulations 2020, underscores the Commission's commitment to protecting consumer rights and maintaining market transparency.

Adamu Abdullahi, Acting Executive Vice Chairman/CEO of the FCCPC, emphasized the importance of the collaboration with the NDPC, highlighting the joint effort to enforce compliance and accountability in data protection laws.

Aliko Dangote has asked Nigeria to suspend imports of diesel and aviation fuel in a move that would hand his refinery a monopoly on their sale, the head of the country’s regulatory agency said.

“That is not good for the nation in terms of energy security and that is not good for markets in terms of monopoly,” Farouk Ahmed, head of the Nigerian Midstream and Downstream Regulatory Agency, told reporters in remarks shared on social media.

A spokesman for Dangote declined to comment.

Africa’s richest person controls a massive 650,000 barrel-a-day refinery outside Lagos, the commercial capital, producing aviation fuel, naphtha, and diesel. It became operational in January.

The request follows complaints by a Nigerian fuel marketing lobby that the regulator was restricting imports of high-sulphur diesel while allowing it to be domestically produced.

In a letter to Nigerian lawmakers seen by Bloomberg, they said this favored Dangote because of a lack of local competition, characterizing it as an “apparent tilt towards the creation of a monopoly” for his refinery.

A spokesman for the regulator said the permissible sulphur content for imported diesel was 50 parts per million, but local refineries including Dangote are allowed to produce diesel with between 650 and 1,200 ppm.

Fuels with high sulphur content can damage engines and are bad for the environment. They are banned in some parts of the world.

“This is a clear adoption of Dangote Oil Refinery as the sole supplier of automotive gas oil to the nation,” the Depot and Petroleum Products Marketers Association of Nigeria said, referring to diesel. “This situation is detrimental not only to the downstream operators but to the nation as large.”

Bloomberg

The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) has directed banks and other financial institutions to deposit unclaimed balances and funds in dormant accounts to the apex bank accounts.

CBN also issued regulatory guidelines for account owners and beneficial owners to recover their funds dormant for up to 10 years.

The apex bank outlined the regulations in a document on Friday titled ‘Guidelines on Management of  Dormant Account, Accounts, Unclaimed Balances and Other Financial Assets In Banks And Other Financial Institutions in Nigeria’.

A dormant account is a bank account that has remained inactive for at least one year.

The apex bank said the revised guidelines are a sequel to the conclusion of the review of the guidelines on the management of dormant accounts issued in October 2015.

“The revised Guidelines, which operationalizes Section 72 of the Banks and Other Financial Institutions Act (BOFIA) 2020, followed engagement and consultations with relevant stakeholders, whose comments and recommendations were considered in the review process,” CBN said.

“It, amongst others, standardises the management of dormant accounts, unclaimed balances and financial assets, and outlines the procedure for the administration of these balances, funds, and assets by banks and other financial institutions in Nigeria.

“The modalities for the transfer of the relevant balances/funds/assets to the CBN, together with the revised templates for the rendition of quarterly returns to Banking Supervision Department or Other Financial Institutions Supervision Department (as the case may be) will be communicated subsequently.”

The financial regulator further said the guidelines supersede the previous guidelines, adding that they take effect immediately.

REUNITING FUNDS FOR BENEFICIAL OWNERS

In the document, CBN said the objectives of the guidelines are to “identify dormant accounts/unclaimed balances and financial assets with a view to reuniting them with their beneficial owners”.

“Hold the funds in trust for the beneficial owners; Standardize the management of dormant accounts/unclaimed balances and financial assets,” the apex bank said.

“Establish a standard procedure for reclaim of warehoused.”

10 YEARS DORMANCY 

According to the financial regulator, eligible accounts are dormant account balances that have remained with the institution for 10 years and beyond.

“Eligible dormant accounts/unclaimed balances and other financial assets shall include: Current, Savings and term deposits in local currency,” CBN added.

“Domiciliary accounts; deposits towards the purchase of shares and mutual investments; Prepaid card accounts and wallets; Government owned accounts;

“Proceeds of uncleared and unpresented financial instruments belonging to customers or non-customers of FIs.”

Furthermore, the CBN said it will open and maintain an account earmarked for the purpose of warehousing unclaimed balances in eligible accounts. 

The account shall be called the ‘Unclaimed Balances Trust Fund (UBTF) Pool Account’. 

In addition, the CBN shall establish a management committee to oversee the operation of the UBTF pool account, monitor and enforce compliance with these guidelines; and manage the funds in line with the provisions of BOFIA 2020;

Other stakeholders of the unclaimed accounts are the Nigeria Deposit Insurance Corporation (NDIC) and financial institutions.

REACTIVATION, UNCLAIMED FUNDS 

To reactivate a dormant account, CBN said the account owner or beneficial owner must complete a reactivation form in person.

“Obtain from the account owner evidence of ownership of the dormant account with valid means of identification, evidence of present place of residence, and affidavit on the accuracy of the information to reactivate the dormant account,” the apex bank said.

“Verify the information provided on the reactivation form; Not charge any fee for reactivation of dormant account.

“Reactivate the dormant account with the approval of two (2) authorized officers with one being at least the branch operations manager.

“Reactivate dormant accounts within a maximum of three (3) working days of receipt of a written application to that effect.

“Notify the account owner, free of charge, upon reactivation of the account.”

Also, to access the list of unclaimed balances transferred to CBN on the websites, the account owner/beneficial owner shall provide evidence of account ownership, valid means of identification, evidence of the present place of residence, and an affidavit on the accuracy of the information to reactivate the account.

“The profit and loss ratio on the unclaimed balances for non-interest banks shall be determined by the CBN from time to time;

“The FIs shall verify the claim and initiate the request with supporting documents to CBN within ten (10) working days;

“Application for reclaim shall be to the director banking services department, CBN;

“CBN shall refund unclaimed balance to the account owners/beneficial owners through their FIs within ten (10) working days from the date of the receipt of the FI’s request.

“Beneficial owners shall not make partial claims; and the right of beneficial owners to reclaim shall be indefinite.”

CBN said monitoring and enforcement of banks and financial institutions will be through off-site surveillance as well as on-site routine and target examinations.

The Cable

Top UN court says Israel's occupation of Palestinian territories illegal

The United Nations' highest court said on Friday that Israel's occupation of Palestinian territories and settlements there are illegal and should be withdrawn as soon as possible, in its strongest findings to date on the Israel-Palestinian conflict.

The advisory opinion by judges at the International Court of Justice (ICJ), known as the World Court, was not binding but carries weight under international law and may weaken support for Israel.

"Israeli settlements in the West Bank and East Jerusalem, and the regime associated with them, have been established and are being maintained in violation of international law," President Nawaf Salam said, reading the findings of a 15-judge panel.

The court said Israel's obligations include paying restitution for harm and "the evacuation of all settlers from existing settlements".

In a swift reaction, Israel's foreign ministry rejected the opinion as "fundamentally wrong" and one-sided, and repeated its stance that a political settlement in the region can only be reached by negotiations.

"The Jewish nation cannot be an occupier in its own land," Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's office said in a statement.

The opinion also angered West Bank settlers as well as politicians such as Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich, whose nationalist religious party is close to the settler movement and who himself lives in a West Bank settlement.

"The answer to The Hague - Sovereignty now" he said in a post on the social media platform X, in an apparent appeal to formally annex the West Bank.

Israel Gantz, head of the Binyamin Regional Council, one of the largest settler councils, said the ICJ opinion was "contrary to the Bible, morality and international law".

'NO COMPLICITY'

The ICJ opinion also found that the U.N. Security Council, the General Assembly and all states have an obligation not to recognise the occupation as legal nor "render aid or assistance" toward maintaining Israel's presence in the occupied territories.

The United States is Israel's biggest military ally and supporter.

The Palestinian Foreign Ministry called the opinion "historic" and urged states to adhere to it.

"No aid. No assistance. No complicity. No money, no arms, no trade...no actions of any kind to support Israel's illegal occupation," Palestinian envoy Riyad al-Maliki said outside the court in The Hague.

The case stems from a 2022 request for a legal opinion from the U.N. General Assembly, predating the war in Gaza that began in October.

Israel captured the West Bank, Gaza Strip and East Jerusalem - areas of historic Palestine which the Palestinians want for a state - in the 1967 Middle East war and has since built settlements in the West Bank and steadily expanded them.

Israeli leaders argue the territories are not occupied in legal terms because they are on disputed lands, but the United Nations and most of the international community regard them as occupied territory.

In February, more than 50 states presentedtheir views before the court, with Palestinian representatives asking the court to find that Israel must withdraw from all the occupied areas and dismantle illegal settlements.

Israel did not participate in the oral hearings but filed a written statement telling the court that issuing an advisory opinion would be "harmful" to attempts to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

The majority of states participating asked the court to find the occupation illegal, while a handful, including Canada and Britain, argued it should refuse to give an advisory opinion.

The United States had asked the court not to order the unconditional withdrawal of Israeli forces from the Palestinian territories.

The U.S. position was that the court should issue no decision that could hurt negotiations toward a two-state solution on a "land for peace" principle.

In 2004 the ICJ gave an advisory ruling that an Israeli separation barrier around most of the West Bank was illegal and Israeli settlements were established in breach of international law. Israel dismissed that ruling.

Reuters

WESTERN PERSPECTIVE

Ukrainian drone hits Russian monastery, kills one person, regional governor says

A Ukrainian drone struck a monastery in Russia's Kursk region on Friday, killing one person, the regional governor Alexei Smirnov said on the Telegram app.

The Mash Telegram channel said a 60-year-old male parishioner had died at around 0830 local time after a drone fired eight projectiles at the St. Nicholas Belogorsky Monastery in Gornal, a village near the Ukrainian border.

There was no immediate comment from Ukrainian authorities on the reported attacks, which Reuters could not confirm independently.

Like other Russian border regions, Kursk comes under frequent attack from Kyiv's forces. On Tuesday, a drone attack on a factory producing electrical devices in the town of Korenevo caused a fire in which no one was harmed.

The men's monastery was founded in 1671 and once hosted the writer Fyodor Dostoevsky, who immortalised his conversations with the monks in his novel "The Brothers Karamazov," according to the monastery's website.

A child was injured in a previous attack on the monastery last August, according to Mash.

RUSSIAN PERSPECTIVE

While Ukraine is currently not allowed to use American-supplied weapons for long-range strikes into Russian territory, this might change in the future, US National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan has said.

Sullivan spoke on Friday at the Aspen Security Forum in Colorado. Asked whether Washington was open to relaxing the “extreme limitations”on Ukraine’s use of US weapons, he would not rule anything out.

“As the war has evolved, our support has evolved,” Sullivan said. “I can’t give a definitive answer to that question for the future.”

The White House reportedly gave Kiev permission to use some of the American missiles to attack military targets across the border from Kharkov Region in late May. 

“Circumstances changed. Russia actually launched a new offensive directly across the border towards Kharkov, and common sense dictated that Ukraine had to be able to fire back against that offensive,” Sullivan explained.

However, he added, President Joe Biden’s “policy on long-range strikes into Russia has not changed thus far.”

Asked the same question earlier in the day, US Secretary of State Antony Blinken said there is an “ongoing conversation” in Washington about relaxing the restrictions on Kiev, offering no more details.

Vladimir Zelensky has slammed the Western limitations as “crazy,”claiming Ukraine should be able to strike anywhere in Russia. 

“We have allowed Zelensky to use American weapons in the near border regions of Russia. If he had the opportunity to strike Moscow, strike the Kremlin, would that make sense? No, it wouldn’t,” Biden said last week, at a press briefing in Washington.

In late June, a US-supplied ATACMS missile dropped cluster munitions on a beach near Sevastopol in Crimea, killing at least four people, including two children, and injuring more than 150. Russia said it would hold the US directly responsible for the “premeditated terrorist” attack.

President Vladimir Putin has described Ukrainian attacks inside Russian territory using Western-supplied weapons as “close to aggression.” He has also warned that Moscow might engage in an asymmetrical response, arming states or groups hostile to the US with advanced weaponry.

Reuters/RT

We recently asked married men of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the hardest parts of marriage that no one talks about. Here's what they had to say:

1. "Twenty-five years married here. The person you marry is going to change in each season of life, and you have to abandon your own selfishness and put in an effort to fall in love with them anew each time...and to help them find new ways to fall in love with you as you change, too. It's super hard because you're going to miss the person they used to be (before kids, before menopause, etc.), but if you put in the work and keep an open mind, you'll probably like the new them a lot, too."

—axj66

2. "Remember the wonderful times because they're precious if you lose your spouse. But truth? Marriage is flat-out determined work every day; you must keep at it and not give up, only thinking about yourself. I loved my wife; some days, I'm sure she wanted to kill me, but she still loved me — only married people will understand that. But to make it work for us for the 38 years we were together, it was truly day-by-day solid effort every day."

—quizzycat72
3. "The hardest thing for me has been lack of time for myself. I'm an introvert and need time to regroup and reenergize after spending the work day around people. As we've had kids, that free time has become less and less, as we have to run to sports practices, deal with school, go to things for my wife's job, etc."

"Every once in a while, I'll get to travel for work, which turns into a much-needed time of decompression. I find moments for myself when I'm home, but they aren't much. As a dad and husband, I try to be as present as possible around my family, even if it further drains me."

—robert_dunder

4. "Twenty-one years married. The cornerstones of our marriage are communication and honesty. Communication is tough because sometimes it's hard to articulate what you mean or to be patient with trying to express yourself and to understand what your partner is trying to tell you."

"Honesty is more than not lying to your partner. It's being honest with yourself, to accept when it's your fault, or when that little thing you said doesn't bother you is going to grow into a major issue."

—moncynnes

5. "I got married at 18 to my 26-year-old wife (we're now 21 and 29). Don't get me wrong, getting married was my best decision, but there are always setbacks. We've already settled into the 'old couple' phase, where we bicker, complain, and swear at each other about little stuff, like where my wife put her shoes. Spouses will ALWAYS find a way to get on your nerves; you'll find plenty of moments where you want to take a vacation from your spouse just to have time to yourself. You'll have plenty of arguments and disagreements, but the most important thing to know is that there's a difference between PERFECT and HEALTHY in any relationship."

"There are times when I'm seething with her, but there are even more times I look at her in awe that I was ever lucky enough to find a woman who loves me unconditionally, forever and always. We tied the knot merely seven months after we met because we knew from the start that we belonged together — it's sure not a walk in the park, but that's love."

—jasonalcon23

6. "The hardest part by far is in-laws. I have been married twice, and both times my in-laws were insufferable. For the first time, the mom-in-law thought her daughters were the most talented and beautiful women on earth and could have done better than me. Unfortunately, the daughter (my wife) thought she would get by on her looks and, therefore, couldn't hold a job. She cheated on me and her second husband. With my second wife, it was the father-in-law."

"He told his daughter she was the smartest woman alive. She was smart in some ways but dumb as a box of rocks with common sense. We divorced because my job required that I travel, and she realized marriage wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and she liked being on her own better. She didn't want a divorce; she just wanted me to move out and keep paying all the bills. Needless to say, that was NO from me."

—61, USA

7. "Honestly, it's the absence of a definitive model of what constitutes a 'good husband.' Instead, those of us who desire to be good spouses, parents, and partners are on this endless treadmill, chasing a moving and invisible target because our society values wealth, fame, and athletics, and not character. I'm exhausted."

—43, Minnesota

8. "When after 25 years of marriage, you look at your life and realize you should have taken more time to pick the right person."

"My wife focuses on our adult children, I'm always last and doing mostly everything alone. This is not what I had expected."

—50, Canada
9. "A major challenge I've faced is navigating the complexities of intimacy and vulnerability in a long-term relationship. This isn't the typical story of a stoic man who holds his emotions until he is numb; instead, it is deeply wanting a connection with my wife but finding real challenges in having it reciprocated fully. First, there is the common challenge of a lack of physical intimacy in a long-term relationship. In the first few years, everything was great, but then my wife's libido faded, and that created real emotional pain in me. Physical intimacy, not just intercourse but all of its many forms, is really about making an emotional connection. It's about sharing something special with the love of your life that is unique between us and no one else. It's a way to express love, and it's a way to know that I am loved. Without it, life is anemic — a grind that funnels me to the classic stoic archetype that I never wanted to embody."

"Second, there is the issue of vulnerability. In previous long-term relationships and in my marriage, the idea of masculinity was always this balancing act to navigate with my partners. My wife wanted me to be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable. To be confident, but not too confident. Not falling into this undefined and narrow Goldilocks zone of desirable masculinity was, at times, frustrating and exhausting. It also played into the first point above about intimacy. Finding one outside of that desired zone would make intimacy even more remote. The end result is that marriage feels like an endeavor — one that can be frustratingly opaque in terms of how to live in happiness with your partner. That tension creates a painful and tragic longing for being able to just be. To be vulnerable, to express love, to be loved, and to feel like I stand on solid ground in who I am as a man and husband."

—52, Vermont

10. "Not being their child's father. Supporting my spouse's friends and families — including other parent's families — and not being appreciated for anything and feeling like the elephant in the room at every family event."

—62, New Jersey
11. "The hardest thing about being married and a father is the weight of always having to be 'strong' and 'steady.' You don't realize how everyone in your family will always look to you to be the rock for them and always to be dependable. My wife gets tired of her job; she quits because she knows I will keep mine. The kids need someone to fix a thing; you fix it. It doesn't matter if you worked all day and are sick and hungry. Their needs always come first. If your wife needs to vent about her day, friends, or kids or just needs to have a good cry, you listen. They expect you to carry on for them always."

"You don't get sick, you don't get tired, you never need to vent or be vulnerable, you don't have hobbies, and you don't take risks related to your job. I love my family, and they are my greatest pride and joy, but the weight can be a lot. I was about five years into my marriage when I realized my family would rather see me die on my white horse than dismount willingly."

—Anonymous, Florida

12. "The hardest part of marriage has been learning when to listen. It's easy to say you are listening just because you hear an audible noise and let your spouse say their piece, maybe even without interruption. The hard part is knowing when to lay your position down and actually listening to what they are saying without circling it back to you, especially when you think you have a point to prove."

"This can be very challenging. Success can be found when you learn how to take turns talking and listening."

—36, Indiana

13. "It took getting married for me to realize that marriage was not the answer to all of my relational needs. I think people also need a strong sense of community and deep, lasting friendships to thrive. My wife is a homebody, and I like to go out and be active. I'm not sure that building our entire lives around one relationship is the best way to happiness and fulfillment. We have been married 15 years, and we make it work, but sometimes it's hard when we want different things."

—42, California

14. "I married young and didn't fully understand the commitment I was making. I've been married for 17 years now, and I still continue to learn new things daily."

—38, Nebraska
15. "Feeling like once your kids get to their teens, you're always making a parenting mistake, and your kids make you feel unloved when you try to parent."

—53, South Dakota
16. "Seeing the one you love the most go through some repercussions of the actions made by others. My wife is constantly having negative self-talk because her parents raised her to believe that she would be worthless if she didn't acquiesce to their standards. What makes it hard is knowing that there isn't an exact number of compliments, gifts, acts of service, or affirmations that will ever convince her that they were wrong."

—40, Texas
And finally...

17. "1) I've been married for 32 years. One thing I've passed on to my now-adult children (in their early 20s) is that when you marry someone, you're not just marrying them but their family. Make sure it's a family you'll be OK with having as a part of your life."

"2) The times when your partner will need your love (or you will need theirs) are often when you least want to give it because you are mad or upset with one another. Long-term relationships are a lot like tuning a radio: when your frequencies match, it's clear and wonderful, but when they are out of sync, there's a lot of static. You have to work at getting back in tune."

—Anonymous, USA

Buzzfeed

A Chinese man reportedly caught his wife cheating with her boss during work hours by using a remote-controlled drone to spy on them from afar.

The resourceful man known only as Jing began suspecting that his wife was having an affair after she became increasingly distant and changed her routine significantly, including visiting her parents more frequently than ever and coming up with excuses whenever he offered to accompany her, and spending more time at work. Eager to get to the bottom of things, but afraid of having to explain himself to his wife in case his suspicions ended up being unfounded, Jing decided to use a commercially available drone to spy on his spouse from a distance. He would drive to her workplace and then fly the drone to survey the area without risking to be spotted by his wife or her colleagues.

One day, while monitoring his wife, he spotted her exiting her office with a mystery man and getting into a car with him. They drove away to a remote mountainous area where the drone caught them holding hands and walking to a secluded dilapidated-looking house. About 20 minutes later, the pair left the house and drove back to their workplace.

Jing later took to social media to report that the man caught on video by his drone was actually his wife’s boss, who had recently given her a promotion. The man’s wife also worked in the same building, so they had to keep their affair a secret, hence the visits to that remote love nest.

“Her other man is her employer,” the cheated husband wrote on Weibo. “He also works in the same factory, so it was inconvenient for them to have an affair there, so my wife was forced to meet him in the wild.”

Jing also posted photos of his wife and his lover holding hands and said that he planned to use the drone footage as evidence to secure a divorce.

Oddity Central

President Bola Tinubu has approved N70,000 as the new minimum wage for workers in the country.

Tinubu announced the minimum wage during a meeting with leaders of the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) and Trade Union Congress (TUC) at the presidential villa on Thursday.

Joe Ajaero, NLC president and Festus Osifo, president of the TUC, were at the meeting.

Speaking with State House correspondents at the end of the meeting, Nkiru Onyejeocha, minister of state for labour, said Tinubu and the labour leaders agreed that the time limit for the review of the minimum wage should be reduced to three years.

Onyejeocha added that the parties agreed that the time limit of five years for review is too long.

On his part, Ajaero said the N70,000 offer was accepted because of the provision that the minimum wage will be reviewed every three years.

“We are taking this with mixed feelings because of the situation of the economy,” the NLC president said.

Osifo said the president promised that the minimum wage bill would be transmitted to the national assembly next week.

The TUC president said the labour leaders appealed to the president to intervene in the withheld salaries controversy of the Senior Staff Association of Nigerian Universities (SSANU) and the Non-Academic Staff Union of Educational and Associated Institutions (NASU).

BACKGROUND

Over the past few months, the federal and state governments, organised labour, and the private sector have been negotiating a new minimum wage.

Initially, organised labour proposed N615,500 and N494,000 as the new national minimum wage, citing inflation and the prevailing economic hardship.

The federal government proposed N62,000, which was rejected by organised labour.

The labour unions had insisted on N250,000 as the living wage.

The federal government asked the labour unions to demand a more realistic and sustainable minimum wage.

On June 7, governors under the aegis of the Nigerian Governors Forum (NGF) said the N60,000 minimum wage for workers is not sustainable.

On June 10, the tripartite committee submitted its report to George Akume, secretary to the government of the federation (SGF).

The Cable