New confessions trailed last week's edition of this column as reactions to the issue of DNA keep streaming in. Reports available reveal that dimensions to DNA problems are beyond infidelity. Some of the issues identified include breach of trust, retaliation, innocence via child swapping at maternity wards and naivety. Let me explain how naivety had messed up a woman before I share the confession of a woman who admitted to deliberate extramarital affairs as a game of tit-for-tat with her abusive spouse.
In 1998, a woman had a one-night-stand with a visiting Nigerian man from the US. Hoping to earn some dollars for the first time in her life, the married mother of three lied to her husband by giving an excuse to stay outside over the night. Two losses hit her, she didn't get dollars and she was sexually scammed by the Yankee who, after the all-night romp, promised to "see" her later saying he had no "cash at hand." He gave her N200 (Two hundred naira) for transport. She wept bitterly for her naivety and stupidity. Carelessly though, the romp led to a pregnancy which a DNA test later exposed. The sad part of her story is that she had never been involved in extramarital sex before that time. She got enticed through her club members who flaunted their flashy looks and money they earned through such dates. She got enticed into it when she was told that a new "arrival" was in town. These were women in their 30s and 40s at the time. Almost all of them were married. They had perfected their ways of managing their extramarital affairs without leaving rooms for suspicion by their husbands. Not knowing that her friends had fortified themselves against what they termed "accidental discharge, " she went into sexual misadventure innocently and carelessly.
Poverty and needy conditions do make women vulnerable and susceptible to sexual advances. It is also possible that marital crisis could give room for such vulnerable women to seek ‘happiness’ elsewhere. All these instances are veritable avenues for having "illegitimate" children in families.
A caller who chose to be anonymous said she decided to share her own experience as a dimension to the DNA narrative. Last Saturday morning call was bizarre but real.
"I ventured into extramarital affairs when my husband hurt and betrayed me. I endured all manner of maltreatment and neglect. We had two children when he changed. He stopped providing for the home. He started keeping late nights and eventually began to pass nights outside the home. I tried all I could to make things return to normal but to no avail. His family members waded into the matter, yet, he wouldn't change. So, I let him be. I have my salaried job in place and my business by the side. I made up my mind to feed the family and take care of the children. For two consecutive years I paid the rent and children's school fees while he was actively living as my husband and father of our children. All this while, he was earning his salaries regularly but for three years, he contributed nothing to the family. Even the outrageous estimated electricity bills, I was paying.
"I found out later that he had raised another family elsewhere and the woman has got a child for him. Initially I wanted to fight but I let go after all, it is his own responsibility. What he failed to do at home he will surely do it there. One day, he asked me to lend him some money which I declined because he was making a fool of me by collecting my money to augment the situation at the other end. Till date, he didn't own up to me that he has another family elsewhere. Since you don't feed me and my children, it is improper for you to exploit me for another woman.
"For my refusal to give him money, he started beating me. Twice I was admitted in the hospital as a result of his assaults. The house we jointly built, he demanded for the documents which he had asked me to keep not knowing that one of his close friends had alerted me not to release any original documents to him because he wanted to sell the property. My refusal to submit the documents further earned me the beating of my life.
"I started having an affair when he completely abandoned me. He slept with me sparingly. This is a man that I lost count of the number of his sexual activities in the bedroom on weekly basis. So, I took in for my lover and I decided to keep it. He, too, slept with me about same time, thus he couldn't deny the pregnancy. He fought me for getting pregnant again but I didn't bother.
"Somehow, he caught his other woman with another man in their matrimonial bed. That was how he decided to conduct DNA tests on all his children and the last child was found negative among my children. As I speak with you, I have no regret for doing it. For two years, he forced me to pay bills for children I didn't know he has and he still went ahead to beat me at slightest point of arguments. One of the two children from his lady friend was not his, too."
Child swapping at maternity wards in public and private hospitals is another source of negative DNA results. This column has treated the issue of child swapping in 2019. Also, some results could be faulty. There are few cases where DNA tests were required to be done in more than one or two laboratories to authenticate the correct results. In both cases, there's a way you will know that the women involved are truly innocent. I will reveal the details to those who find themselves in the situation.
"DNA almost ruined my home," another caller who showered praises on his wife said. According to him, "I trust my wife, so, I find it difficult to believe the result when it turned negative that I was not my child's biological father. I told a friend who recommended another laboratory but more expensive for me. The outcome was different from the first one. I needed one more test from another lab to validate which of the two results was genuine. My friend recommended another laboratory run by foreigners. There, the latter result was confirmed. That was how I regained peace of mind. My home was almost in ruins as a result. Thanks to God that I was patient and ready to satisfy my curiosity. So, it is better to use more than one labs to validate results. I'm talking from experience."
From the Mailbox
Re: DNA: Nemesis of Infidelity
DNA tests, paternity issues, I think people should just let things be and live their lives in peace, happiness, and stop stressing themselves. – Patience Dale, Abuja.
I think these results may be faulty like those faulty scan results we got in my wife's scan case. She was finally delivered of a set of twins not one as majority of the scan test results affirmed. A nurse in an African country on her death bed confessed that she swapped over 5,000 babies while in practice. Based on the above therefore, I wish to submit that this DNA be discarded and put behind us because of the uncertainty of results sometimes. People should stop creating unnecessary and unwarranted tension over DNA issues in the society. – E. Diadenaru, Abuja
0805 996 4446
“I took in for my lover and I decided to keep it. He, too, slept with me about same time, thus he couldn't deny the pregnancy. He fought me for getting pregnant again but I didn't bother.”