Sunday, 09 August 2020 05:06

Okon reiterates his demand for security vote - Tatalo Alamu

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A day after the latest outing of the amorphous group known as Revolution Now was thwarted by heavy-handed police presence, yours sincerely sat in his study meditating about the plight of good old revolution in the hands of revolutionary apprentices and novices of state implosion.

It was a far cry from the storming of the Bastille by an irate French mob or the scaling of the Winter Palace by a hardy Russian proletariat primed to punitive exertion against a decaying feudal behemoth. But it was a good reminder of unfinished business and how vulnerable to sustained assault the Nigerian post-colonial state has become. Something must give eventually, and we live in interesting times.

Thinking about all this, one recalled an event from the French Fifth Republic and General Charles de Gaulle its prime instigator and law-giver. After one of the numerous attempts on his life was foiled, the great French leader was promptly ferried away in a blaze of gunfire.

But the car taking him to safety suddenly suffered a tyre deflation which made De Gaulle a sitting duck had his assailants been more diligent in pursuit. Upon being dragged out of the car, De Gaulle wryly noted that those who were trying to save his life were as incompetent as those who were trying to kill him.

It was at this point that Okon barged in without any prior invitation. As the Covid-19 scourge appeared to be miraculously receding, Okon was in an upbeat mood. Life was gradually returning to normal or what is now known as the new normal. The markets are thriving again and Okon is back to his sharp ways and pickpocketing bravura.

This morning as if immensely aware of the latest controversy in the country’s political circuits, Okon waded in with his ribald jokes.

“Oga, good morning. He don reach time for power shift oo”, the mad boy announced looking stern and unsmiling.

“Which power shift?”snooper growled at the mad boy in good humour.

“Oga, I say make I come tell you say dem don bring back NEPA and I dey go switch them generator from up to down. Abi no be dem power shift dem magomago mala dey complain about? “ the mad boy sniggered.

“Stupid boy!!” yours sincerely hissed at the crazy fellow. But before you could say Jack Robinson, Okon was back to mount a full offensive after switching off the generator.

“Oga, he be like say faint wan catch me and I never thief anything today”, the mad boy groaned clutching his stomach in a mock fainting fit.

“Meaning what? Okon, you better be serious or I will bundle you to the Covid centre”, snooper threatened as Okon quickly came to his senses.

“Ha oga no be like dat, no be like dat at all. He get one Niger Delta elder like dat who come faint as him driver take am pass National Assembly. But as he come reach Covid hospital, he come quickly wake. Dem Covid people no dey waste time for burial”, the mad boy crowed with sadistic relish, sending his boss on a swooning fit of laughter.

“But oga I wan tell you again dat I no fit go market again unless I get security vote. I no wan quench for Yorubaland.“ Okon lamented with a wistful look.

“Okon, just tell me why you think you deserve security vote”, yours sincerely responded, trying to humour the loony fellow.

“Ha oga, he get one, two, three, four ogbologbo groups like dat I must to settle. Otherwise monkey go go market and him no fit return”, Okon moaned.

“Name them one by one “, snooper demanded.

“Number one na dem Awawa Boys. Dem get tollgate for outside market. Dem go detain and beat you if you no drop something. He get one Yoruba trader like dat who wan do Shakara for dem. Dem beat am sotey he come shit all over him body. Kai oga I still dey smell ewedu for him Yoruba shit”, the mad boy snorted holding his breath in disgust.

“Number two”, yours sincerely called out.

“Ha number two na Sergeant Pepper. Dat one na real hot pepper. Na one craze Yoruba soldier and him head don knock patapata. Him de live inside container for market. Him say he don fight for Burma and snake bite come reach him head. Him dey beat people anyhow and if him ask for money and you no give am him go shout: abi you wan commit Kirikiri? Kai I no fit again.”

“Number three”, snooper shouted trying to suppress his mirth.

“Na Market Force. Market Force na one giant Ibo woman with white beard. I no fit look am for face. Na him dey determine market price. Him beat one mala with him turari and mala come faint. One day like dat I see am and he come ask me, abi na me you dey vibrate your lizard chest for? I come pick race, oga”, the crazy boy chanted.

“Number four”

“Number four na Mama Igosun…na..” Before Okon could finish the sentence, the old Amazon leapt into the room from God knows where. As she made to grab the boy, Okon ducked and scurried away.

 

The Nation