As Coronavirus retreats into its shameful abode, and as the lockdown eases country-wide, gaiety and humour are gradually returning to their vacated stalls in the country’s rich market of daily transactions. Nigerians are quite a humorous lot and even in the most adverse of circumstances, a certain joie de vivre, an infectious bonhomie, never really deserts the people.
But Covid-19 really put the fear of the Lord into most people. Except for the hard-headed ones, many wore a haggard and mournful look with heavy trepidation in the air. It was a dreadful unseen enemy which returned pre-colonial fetish and superstition to the post-colonial imagination. A lot of people concluded that it must be the baleful god of smallpox returning for unfinished business in a new guise.
To the shame of the accursed pandemic life is gradually returning to the street. On a good morning, snooper often opens the window shutter to take in fresh natural air and to listen in on conversation in the street laced with the wit and wonder of a gifted but totally impossible race. Last Friday opened to the usual noisome altercation over menu between Mama Igosun and Okon which got yours sincerely rolling from one side of the bed to the other in mirth and jolly good humour.
“Mama good morning. Wetin you go take for breakfast? Na Akamu and akara we get oo”, Okon sniggered.
“Na your papa him grandfather go take Alamu, abi wetin you call am? Se dat yeye nonsense be food or ipapanu? (Yoruba word for light refreshment)” the old woman cursed.
“Ok, mama no vex now. Make I bring agidi and okro soup?”
“Agidimolaja!!! “ the old woman screamed. “No be dem Ife juju be dat? Okonkwo abi wetin be dat your yeye name again, you wan kill your grandmother? Abi I don become Irunmole for Akanbi dem house for Lagos? Agidi ko, Agidingbi ni”.
“Ok, mama I don tire for early morning. Wetin make I prepare?” an exasperated Okon demanded.
“Give me hot pounded yam felifeli served with Sukuniyan and kokoruwa”, the old woman snorted with relish even as she pouted her lips like a naughty girl.
“Mama I don tell you say those na Old Testament food. Na Oyo Empire people dey eat dat kind food before dem mala drive dem comot and dem come run pass Majidun”, the mad boy jeered.
“Ha, ehnnnn se na Lambert Alekuso dey teach you dat nonsense? Wait make I go come”, the ancient contrarian griped as she back-heeled to her room. Sensing trouble, Okon quickly shut the kitchen door and headed upstairs towards snooper’s room.
“Oga, oga good morning. He be like if say mama wan kill me with him juju oo”, the crazy boy chanted breathlessly as he fidgeted with the door.
“Calm down, calm down, Okon. It is too early in the morning. Where is your evidence?” yours sincerely asked Okon feigning ignorance of the whole drama.
“Oga so if thunder wan kill somebody dem dey look for evidence?” Okon demanded sending his boss to a bout of wild hilarity.
“Okay, Okon, I will have a word with her”, snooper cajoled sobbing with mirth.
“Oga, dis one don pass one word or two word oo . Before I fit continue with dis dem job, I dey demand security vote”, Okon shouted. Yours sincerely could not believe his ears.
“Okon, what is security vote?” snooper asked.
“The money dem governor dey use shoot trouble and shoot dem trouble-shooters. Abi dem born dem gobment well pass Okon?” the mad boy demanded before slamming the door.
The Nation