I've seen some disgraceful royal antics in my time, but for pure arrogance, entitlement, greed, and wilful disrespect, nothing has ever quite matched the behaviour of the ' and .'
I put inverted commas around those titles because I sincerely hope they won't exist much longer.
Indeed, if I were Her Majesty , I would unceremoniously strip Harry and Meghan of all their titles with immediate effect and despatch them back into civilian life.
These two deluded clowns announced yesterday they were quitting life as senior royals.
In a series of staggeringly pompous statements on their gleaming new Hollywood-style website, they laid down the law to the Queen and to the rest of us about exactly how things are supposedly going to work from this moment on.
To summarise, they want to stop being 'senior royals' with all the tedious duty that entails.
And instead, they now want to be a 'progressive' force within 'the institution'.
In other words, they want to be super-woke celebrities (with all the outrageous 'Do as we say not as we do' hectoring hypocrisy they've already brought to that status) who get to keep all the trappings of royal life without any of the hard, boring bits and the right to cash in on their status however they choose.
So, they want the glitz, the glamour, the splendour and the stupendous wealth….they just don't want to have to actually earn it.
What a pathetic joke.
In their lengthy list of pronouncements, Harry and Meghan say they will now be spending much of their time in North America, where they've just be lounging on their lazy backsides for six weeks 'much-needed holiday' – a holiday from what, exactly? - at a multi-millionaire's waterside mansion in .
Oh, and they're going to seek to be 'financially independent'.
It's only when you read the details of this 'independence' that you realise what it actually means is they want to live off Harry's dad's money, from and his Duchy of Cornwall – which he only possesses by right of being the Queen's heir.
They have also informed us they intend to continue living for free, when they grace the UK with their esteemed presence, at Frogmore Cottage, their palatial home in Windsor that was gifted to them by the Queen and which has been refurbished to their specifications at a cost to the taxpayer of millions of pounds.
Oh, and they expect to continue having royal protection too wherever they choose to live and travel – at further vast expense to the taxpayer.
And they'll want all the other stuff that goes with that like VIP royal travel.
We all know there's nothing these two fearless eco-warriors like more than stomping down their giant hypocritical carbon footprint one private jet at a time!
They also, hilariously, laid down their new rulebook for the media, saying they're getting rid of the traditional Royal Rota system and will instead be inviting special favoured journalists to attend their events and only write nice positive things about them.
I chuckled with disbelief as I read this.
Even wouldn't pull a stunt to control the press like that.
Luckily there is zero chance of the media following any 'rules' for covering these two now they've swapped royal duty for money-grabbing celebrity stardom.
If they want to be the new , they'll get treated like the new Kardashians.
It was shocking enough that Harry and Meghan didn't even have the courtesy to tell either Prince Charles, who they sponge off, or of their grandiose plans.
But it was absolutely appalling that they failed to notify the Queen.
This woman is not just Harry's grandmother, she's the Monarch for God's sake.
She has spent the past six decades on the throne and by common consent has served her people with magnificent grace, commitment, respect and skill.
Elizabeth II will go down in history as one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, monarchs.
Yet now, at the age of 93, and with her 98-year-old husband Prince Philip suffering ill health, she's had to suffer the repulsively rude indignity of being treated like a piece of insignificant dirt by her own spoiled brat grandson and his scheming, selfish D-list actress wife.
Of course, and very ironically, she is only Queen because her own uncle, Edward VIII, also fell under the romantic clutches of another American woman, Wallis Simpson, and felt compelled to resign as King.
That led to his brother George VI taking over, and when he died, his eldest daughter Elizabeth was crowned Queen in her mid-20s.
Now, after surviving a number of royal crises including the death of in 1997, Her Majesty faces another that could cause potentially irreparable damage to the Monarchy.
I don't say this lightly.
Make no mistake, Harry and Meghan going rogue like this is an earthquake that will shake the very foundations of the Royal Family to the core, especially coming so soon after was fired over his friendship with billionaire paedophile.
And just as she did with her second son, the Queen has to move fast and decisively to shut down this crisis.
How the hell has it come to this less than two years after a wedding that was greeted with global excitement and praise?
Two words: Meghan Markle.
I've made no secret of my dislike for, and distrust of Meghan.
We were friends for a while, or I thought we were.
She certainly told the world we were in publicly posted (now deleted) before most people in Britain had ever heard of her, and while she was asking me in my local pub for media advice.
But from the moment she met Prince Harry, I was discarded faster than a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of her Louboutin heels.
For a while, I continued supporting her in public, refusing to believe someone who seemed so nice and normal could be quite that calculating and ruthless.
But I never heard from her again, and when I saw her do the same to her own father Thomas, I realised this is what Meghan does when people are either no longer of use to her or might be 'problematic' to the bigger prize.
To put it bluntly, she's an unsavoury manipulative social-climbing piece of work who has inveigled her way into Prince Harry's heart and used his blind love as a platform to now destroy everything he once held so dear.
She's caused a tremendous rift between Harry and William.
She's ruined Harry's reputation with the public as a hugely popular fun, carefree soul, turning him into a miserable-looking, virtue-signalling laughing stock.
And now she's ripped him away from his beloved grandmother, the Queen.
None of this has surprised me.
Meghan's been doing this kind of stuff all her adult life.
She's disowned 99 per cent of her own family.
She's ditched and ghosted numerous old friends.
She got rid of her ex-husband when she tasted TV stardom.
And the former Deal or No Deal suitcase girl has done all this with barely a glance back to her past.
Nothing said more about Me-Me-Meghan than her wedding day when she plonked newly-acquired A-list celebrity friends like and up the front where most brides usually put their family.
Only her mother Doria was allowed to sit with the celebrities, with the rest of the seething, hurt Markles were left back at home to watch it all on television with the hoi polloi.
I had lunch with a good friend of Harry's soon after the wedding and he said that he and various other very close mates of the Prince were stunned not to be asked to the spectacular evening wedding party, and even more dismayed when they discovered a load of celebrities had got their invitations instead.
'We realised then that Meghan's calling all the shots,' he said.
And the 38-year-old divorcee has carried on calling them ever since.
As Harry reportedly told courtiers during an argument before the wedding day: 'What Meghan wants, Meghan GETS!'
Well now she wants to have her royal cake and eat it.
Meghan wants to live the life of an A-list star off the back of her new royal fame, cherry-picking all the good stuff like luxury tours, movie premieres, charity galas and Hollywood parties.
But she doesn't want to get her hands dirty opening a community hall on a wet Wednesday in Stoke-on-Trent. That's for the little royal people, not a superstar Princess like her.
What Meghan's forgotten, or simply doesn't understand, is that she and Harry aren't important royals, they're minor players with no chance of ever acceding to the throne.
The biggest royal star is the Queen – followed by her son and heir Prince Charles and then his eldest son and heir Prince William.
They are the constitutional future of the Monarchy, not Meghan and Harry.
But what genuinely worries me now is that the very future of the Monarchy may be in serious jeopardy if these two renegades have their way and become effectively a pair of rival royals bestriding the globe acting like they're the big dogs, doing what the hell they like and using their royal fame to line their own pockets to the tune of millions like a pair of greedy, grasping hustlers, destroying the royal brand one grubby deal at a time.
It can't be allowed to happen.
Nobody tells the Queen what to do.
She's the most powerful, respected person in Britain.
And right now, she's facing a direct threat to everything she has worked so hard to maintain.
Harry and Meghan's astonishingly brazen and selfish antics have left her no choice but to cut them loose and fire them both from the Royal Family.
Get rid of these whining, ego-crazed, deluded leeches Ma'am - before it's too late.